He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
