He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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