Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
