ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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