She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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