my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They took my balls.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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