and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
