whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
