Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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