i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
