WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize