He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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