We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
