My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
