i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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