So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
