You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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