I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
