well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
