I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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