I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Less talking, more tequila
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
