Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
