this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
