that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
