From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
