well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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