Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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