I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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