Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
