ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
