Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize