I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
