We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She told me I should be a condom model.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
