New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
