Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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