rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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