Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
