I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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