Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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