When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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