I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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