stop calling my apartment porn island.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
