I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
