bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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