i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
