She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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