Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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