Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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