for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
