I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
