if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
