I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm like, not good at living.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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