Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish you could order shots online.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Boobs speak an international language.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
