Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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