I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
