You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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