I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
