did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
