I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
