I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
