i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize