Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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