Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
