We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
