maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Damn victory sex feels great
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
