I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize