There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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