All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
