this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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